I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
