i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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