I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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