??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I need to calm my uterus...
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
