apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
