need another drink. this is the easiest way
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Randomize
