3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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