Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
