I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
