walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
