The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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