How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
