i barfeds in our rink
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
