I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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