yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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