You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
