I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
