last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
