so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
