Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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