I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
