I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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