If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
