great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
We need to get me chipped asap
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
