just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
