Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
