i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
