just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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