Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
