saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
