You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
