I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
