woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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