I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
