no, he came in my armpit
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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