I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
