piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
