So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
