Nicole vs. Life
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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