Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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