He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
