fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
