How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
