i just had sex bonerless
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Randomize
