I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
