i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
