Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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