hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
