I'm laying in your front yard are you home
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
