That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
