i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
