Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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