it wasn't lemon gatorade
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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